


I'm A Mess

by throughtheparadox



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Adlock, F/M, Post-Reichenbach, Pre-TEH, The Great Hiatus, irene x sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 06:47:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4338062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/throughtheparadox/pseuds/throughtheparadox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock gets low during his travels in dismantling Moriaty's network. One day, he sees Irene Adler in New York.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm A Mess

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Ed Sheeran song of the same title. I was feeling a bit low tonight so it may have reflected a bit in this fic. I’m not even sure if it made sense :(. Anyways, enjoy and lemme know what you think.

There was a bit of coldness that filled me deeply. I was never one to succumb to such emotional calls of the mind, but tonight seemed to be an exception. Another case was soon to be over, a grand reveal just waiting to happen and I’m off to move to a new town, ready to bare a new face and name. 

It will be over soon. Maybe sooner than I had imagined. 

There was no one to scold me over the smoke that loomed over my head. I’m not even sure they are as strict when it comes to smoking here in America as compared to… home. 

The word felt bitter even if I never spoke it. I felt it char the tip of my mind with such an awful ache. Yes. Baker Street is my home. 

But then as if things could take another turn for the worst, I saw her. The Woman. 

She was wearing her hair like the first time we met, her Louboutins clicking on the pavement. The sight of her sent a shiver down my spine, both from annoyance and something else that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. 

Her velvet scarf brushed her cheek as the wind blew and I felt my fingers curl unnecessarily. She was too far away and I am frozen from where I stand. I wanted to kick myself for wanting to run after her, as if a puppy wanting to be noticed. I gathered up my wits and was about to turn away when I saw her greet someone with a smile. 

Something in my chest ached when I saw her red lips curl for someone else. What is this irritating sentimentality, I thought as I turned away.

The coldness in this room is growing harsher and the cigarette doesn’t help at all. My fingers are trembling and in my mind, a visitor came. 

I don’t know why her name carry such a burden. It was as if I was always afraid to say it, like a cursed word that would cause me death instantly. Of course this is absurd and a little melodramatic but there was no other way to put it, I believe. I agitate myself by thinking about this too much. Her name. It was just a name. 

But then again, Baker Street was just a place until I needed to leave. It turned to my home when I moved away. Ironic? It seems so. 

At this freezing night, I found myself tortured in loneliness and despair that even nicotine couldn’t cure. I needed a piece of home and that’s when it hit me. 

In Baker Street, whenever the urge to succumb to my ‘addictions’, as John and Mycroft would put it, comes, I would just revisit that drawer full of her memories and I would find myself slightly at ease. Without it, this is what I become, I think. A monster. A mess.

Picking up my phone, I called in a few favours. Tomorrow, I would get my answers. Before I leave for a new name and a new face, I will see her–The Woman–as myself, and at least get a glimpse of home. 

\- See more at: http://throughtheparadox.tumblr.com/tagged/fanfiction#sthash.pFLUC0ww.dpuf


End file.
